Israel and Iran have been back and forth with each other for decades, however the conflict now seems to be heating up even more in Syria. With Iran launching missiles into Israel and Israel retaliating, the relationship between the two countries has been at a low point these last few weeks. And ever since the Iranian Revolution, Iran has been under Muslim control, leaving things to be tense between Israel and Iran.

Being an Israeli, an American, and Iranian, I feel torn. Israeli is my nationality, Iranian is my background, and America is where I have lived my whole life. Now is this time in my life where I have to identify myself? Am I supposed to side with one country over the other?

I am biased. My mom was born in Israel, but when she was two she moved to Iran. She lived there for only two years from 1977 to 1979. However, the Iranians wanted to kill the Jews so my mom and her family had to flee Iran and my family never made it back to Iran.

Although only a part of me is Persian, it’s still a big part of me. Without my Persian blood, I wouldn’t be have tan all year round or have natural full eyebrows. When I walk around the mall, I can recognize the Persians. Even though I live in America, I am constantly reminded of my ancestral homeland.

But despite having multiple identities, I feel more connected to Israel as every summer I go there to visit family. In the summer of 2014, Israel experienced a 50 day long war with the Hamas in Gaza. I was in Israel for about six weeks that summer but soon spending time with my family, and sleeping in, turned to 8:00 a.m. wake up calls from the sirens to warn that missiles were coming our way. That was a summer I’ll never remember forget, and that’s why I’m fearful for this summer.

If the current conflict continues or escalates, all of Israel will feel like it is under some sort of lockdown. Even though I live in America, and I’m not affected by it physically, it’s heartbreaking as my family who still lives in Israel could be affected by it.

It definitely puts things into perspective. Instead of dealing with social media feeds that won’t load or internet outages, life itself is a concern in the Middle East. A casual day at the coffee shop or the beach can quickly shift to hours in hiding.

In America, we are fortunate that we don’t have to worry about missiles coming our way, but in the Middle East, that’s a daily concern. Who would have ever thought that an alert about missiles in the air could be a new norm? Yet every time, it’s still as shocking as the first time and it helps to put into perspective what we have in America.