I can honestly say that I play the “mom” role in my friend group. By that I mean that I am generally the one they come to for wise words, inspiration, necessary discipline, and advice. I take pride in this because I feel as if I give good advice and I like to help people.

Recently, I was talking to my friend about her relationship and what she should do in her situation. Their relationship is fairly new so I told her that in order to get to the part in the relationship that people strive to get to, you first have to get through the hard part.

The way I see it, you start a relationship not knowing the ins and outs and all the flaws of the partner, but you’re in love with the idea of that person. Then, you reach a point as a couple where those flaws begin to come out and their differences begin to clash. During this stage, depending on how strong the relationship is, it will either make or break the couple.

By break I mean, of course, break up, and by make I mean develop the ability to take those flaws and differences, accept them, and use them to your benefit in the relationship as you choose to grow together in spite of them. This is the point where as a couple you are able to reach the point that everyone raves about. This is the point where you are not just in love with the idea of that person, but you are in love with them as a whole.

The mistake that people seem to make is that they settle. They settle for someone who refuses to look past their flaws so they set them aside and pretend they don’t exist until the inevitably come out. What people need to realize is that their imperfections are there for a reason. It sounds cheesy, but they literally make you into the person you are. So why would you want to be with someone who can’t work with what you have?

This doesn’t solely apply to somebody you’re dating; this goes for every type of relationship. I notice all the time that people will stay in these toxic friendships just for the sake of having friends. Even if you lose all of your friends, wouldn’t you rather find new ones that actually care about you?

Pushing problems aside will only lead to an even bigger conflict. No matter what type of relationship it is, if you know you’re not being treated right you need to take matters into your own hands. People will come and go in life and as much as it hurts, it happens to teach you and allow you to grow.