Work hard. It’s the timeless piece of advice we get from our parents, our teachers, actors, musicians, and other people we may idolize. “Work hard,” they say, “and nothing can stop you from achieving your dreams.” It is a nice sentiment, but unfortunately, it just isn’t true.

The truth is that you can put in as much work as you want to, but there will always be external circumstances that hold you back from the success you want so badly. There are some things that you can’t control. It doesn’t matter how hard you train or how much you practice, chances are you’re not going to be the next Stephen Curry if you’re 5’2. You can spend a whole year preparing for an AP test, but it is beyond your control if your car breaks down on your way to the test and you don’t make it in time. And it doesn’t matter how good you are at something because someone can always be better than you.

You can say to yourself that you absolutely deserve the success you dream of, but there is nothing you can do if someone else decides you don’t.

If that sounds bleak, that’s reality. For that, I’m sorry. But the truth is that I don’t have any advice on how to fix a situation like that because sometimes the universe simply exists to mess with us sometimes, and that really hurts. I bet you’ve felt it. Everyone has felt it. Maybe that is the only consolation you can draw from this: that you aren’t alone. Everyone faces that kind of disappointment at some point because it is one of the fundamental tenets of life.

The only thing you can do is deal with it, and there’s really only two methods of coping. The first one is often lionized by motivational speakers and endlessly-sad-but-hopeful-for-like-two-seconds-at-the-end indie films that win Oscars: picking yourself up by the bootstraps and utilizing your disappointment as a catalyst for more hard work.

Obviously, this is the righteous path to go down, and often it does lead to success. You can use the lessons you’ve learned to reimagine a better version of yourself and I feel nothing but respect for the people who can get right back up after every heartbreak. The exists another, less respectable method though, and that is just taking the time to feel sorry for yourself. You can be bitter and moody and upset; you’re certainly entitled to those emotions as long as you don’t allow them to start to define who you are. Take the time for grief, but don’t let it control your outlook on life.

The best coping mechanism, I’ve found, is a mixture of the two, but everyone has different sorrows so everyone will have different ways to deal with it. The point is that disappointment is inevitable, but not unique, and it doesn’t have to be permanent. Even though, sometimes, it feels like it.