More than likely, only specific snapshots from my high school years will be remembered, and the rest will remain a blur. However, there’s one moment I know I will never forget: the moment I made the decision to leave a place I’d once called home, to go somewhere far better.

On April 9, 2016, I made the decision to leave the private school I’d known for years. Energy was high in the Lucas Christian Academy gym on this day, because it was the Beautiful Noise concert, where different student praise bands came together to showcase their talents. I had performed worship music with my other band members that night, and now was watching the other band close out the evening with a final song.

It was nearing the end of the night, and time seemed to slow to a stop for me. Music was booming through the speakers in the gym, but I barely heard it. Everything seemed to fade away, everything seemed distant and meaningless. Well, almost everything. I’d finally realized that I truly didn’t belong there. However, instead of crushing me, that fact provided the lifting of a burden that plagued me for years.

My experience at LCA had been rocky. Homeschooled until the eighth grade, I barely knew anything about how to deal with people in various situations. Events conspired my freshman year as my best friend suddenly turned on me and started to convince other people to not befriend me, even though we were both new to the school. Lonely and confused, I was left going into my sophomore year of high school with no friends and a shattered confidence.

My parents wanted me to leave immediately, but something held me back. I think it was the fear of leaving something familiar, combined with the guilt of not being strong enough to handle the situation. I didn’t want to give up, believing that to be weak and didn’t want to complain.

I didn’t understand that anxiety was slowly taking over my personality and keeping me from truly being myself. I was slipping away. It was becoming an increasingly bad situation; no matter how things leveled out, I was becoming more and more afraid of not being good enough for others. The resulting effect took a huge toll on my emotional and mental state.

Now, one year after attending a public school, it can be said, I am happier and healthier than ever. Transitioning to a public high school wasn’t easy. At first, I was shy and awkward, wanting people to get to know me, but at the same time being terrified of their judgment. I’d trusted other people with my friendship at my old school, and they turned out to not care for it at all, only to use me for their endless political games. I couldn’t risk that happening again.

But, I also needed to know that good people existed who would like me for who I was. By the grace of God, I found people who I grew to love and who now love me in return. They welcomed me into their friend group with open arms, something I’m still getting used to.

Because of them, I learned what it means to invest time and effort into people and to have them appreciate it and invest in me as well. I learned what friendship really looks like. My deepest desire was to feel wanted at the new school, and they fulfilled that desire and continue to overwhelm me with their friendliness and kindness.

I’m a part of a family now, and I can now contribute to the family. This is what makes me so undeniably joyous. That I can encourage people daily, be there for them when they’re having a hard time, and do my best in school and in the band program I joined. I want to, and have, given to the community that drew me in. My experience has made me want to love others unconditionally and to be myself.  I belong here.