Christmas is quickly approaching, a date everyone including myself is super excited about. In typical high school student fashion, however, I have procrastinated terrifically in buying presents. Don’t blame me: the drone of college applications and scholarship essays has been ringing in my mind for the last four months so it is kind of difficult to focus on anything else. But now it is time to embark on the issue of buying the perfect present for my family and friends.

The one thing that is most stressful about buying presents, I’ve found, is trying to figure out what to do when someone tells you, “Don’t worry about getting me a present!” What. Does. That. Mean? To buy or not to buy, that is the question.

If you get that person a present when they specifically told you not to, you run the risk of offending them or making them feel awkward–perhaps they simply don’t have enough money to buy presents themselves this year, so receiving one would cause them to feel like a terrible person.

We’ve all been there, and while logistically you know that an inability to buy your friends presents for Christmas does not make you a bad person, it still feels like you’ve let someone down. In addition, maybe your friend doesn’t celebrate Christmas or maybe they have had bad experiences related to the holiday, and the exchanging of presents brings back bad memories for them. We are all different people with different life stories–not everyone feels the same way about the “most wonderful time of the year”.

At the same time though, if you decide to heed their advice and not buy your loved one a present, you might get caught off guard when they surprise you with a gift. Ladies are a big culprit of this kind of manipulation–I know my mom always used to “test” my dad by telling him not to bother with getting her a present. The passive aggressive argument that ensued on Christmas morning was The Worst.

It seems like you just can’t win with a situation like that. In recent years though, I’ve learned the true value of gifts: it isn’t about getting the most lavish, expensive, amazing present but rather about the thought that goes into the present.

Most of the time, it’s enough if you simply let your loved one know that you’re thinking about them. Make them a nice card or draw them a picture that represents them or even treat them to a movie you know they’ve been looking forward to watching. Show them that you know them, and that is the best present anyone could ask for.