Today I unfollowed at least 10 people on Instagram. Models, influencers, bloggers; anyone who I felt superior.

Why? Because I felt inferior. 

Looking through my feed I was able to see the human embodiments of my insecurities. 

I realized that subconsciously, I had subscribed to daily, if not hourly, reminders that I wasn’t up to par with those I idolized.

Each post emphasized that. 

In one post a girl with long, slender legs was featured. In another, a YouTuber flaunted her wide array of friends. And in one, one which was allegedly aimed towards “helping followers achieve their perfect look,” the belief that I needed cosmetics to cover my insecurities was yet again reaffirmed. 

So why did I allow it for so long?

For the longest time I had convinced myself that unsubscribing to these people would only serve to debase me; that it would somehow prove that my insecurities had gotten the best of me. 

But the proof was already there. It materialized in my feed, in my following, and in those who I had sought out to periodically remind me of my inferiority. 

It is only now that I realize the aforementioned inferiority is not a result of my physical faults, but rather my character ones. It wasn’t my chubby fingers (yes, believe it or not they cause me much concern) that kept me from tapping the “unfollow” button, it was my character. 

There was…is…some defect in my character that makes me seek out  shame. It is as if I feel that every so often, I need a reminder to put me back in my place. I think it is some sort of safeguard to keep me self conscious. Why? I can’t begin to say. What I can say though is that the moment I unfollowed, I unsubscribed to self scrutiny.