“This is just a phase.” We’ve all thought about it. The words would echo through our ears in our darkest moments. They would restore calm with the affirmation that soon, it would end. This phase would be over and we could resume our lives.

Now as we reflect on it, we question that once firmly repeated belief. Either this is the longest phase known to man or it’s no phase at all. It’s simply life. 

Recently I asked my 19-year-old cousin what she thought of that. I asked, “does it actually get better?” She responded plainly, “well, life doesn’t get better, but you can.”

With that, she cracked a small window and shed a bit of light. Hope had been restored. A new hope, but hope nonetheless.

Once it my hope was that life would miraculously get better and at that, so would I. I know it sounds ignorant but I’m sure we all think it. We think “once high school ends my life can finally begin” or “once the stay at home order is over I can finally be happy.” You see, these are all just plays on the same idea; the idea that we don’t have to change in order for our lives to. As you may have discovered, that’s just not the case. 

The fact of the matter is that if we want our lives to change for the better, we are the ones who have to manifest it. It’s not the world or fate or some other like you may have thought. Fortunately, that has a silver lining. While we don’t have much control over the whims of the world, we can control our own. The power, and responsibility, is on us. And as daunting as that may be, to me it’s actually preferable. We can choose to find happiness. 

Many don’t choose that, though. It’s not necessarily that they don’t choose happiness (although that happens), but rather that they don’t choose to find it. 

Some don’t even choose to seek it (which you have to do if you ever expect to find something). When they come to a crossroads they stand in the middle, waiting for some force of nature to usher them one way or the other. They avoid making any decision out of fear that it’ll be the wrong one. And so if they do wind up on the wrong path, they can’t fathom how it could be because of their bad decisions making because, well, they don’t think they made any. That’s where the misconception that “life leads the way” comes from. No it doesn’t, you do. Every choice you make is either a step closer to or farther from happiness. Even the choice not to choose is a choice and, let me tell you, definitely a bad one. 

So stop waiting for the world or fate or some other to change your life for the better. I mean, it’s possible that that could happen but do you really want to live like that, counting on something you have no control over? I know I don’t anymore.