Last night, after a long day’s work, I finally got to close out all my browser tabs. It felt so good. I wasn’t planning on doing it since, in a weird way, the tabs are like reminders of the work I either have done or still have to do. My computer was audibly bogged down though and I couldn’t bear it hissing at me any longer, so I closed them. Simple as that.

I wondered if all things were, at their core, that simple as well. If something is bothering you, playing in the background, taking up memory and storage, then close it out. I don’t know why this is so profound to me, since it really is such a straightforward concept, but it illuminated me to the essence of most all of my problems. 

I, for one, am notorious for compartmentalizing my thoughts. When something doesn’t make me feel good to think about, I just don’t. I stick it in the recesses of my mind and consider it a case closed and a job well done. In the background, though, all of those thoughts are still running, like the tabs on my computer. 

I often feel bogged down, yet when I do it usually mingles with confusion since in my mind, nothing much else should be running. I instinctively keep my load manageable (i.e. light) and so when I find myself overwhelmed, I wonder how exactly that could be. I have school, friends, family, and all other present things pressing my conscience, but what I almost always forget about is all the baggage I’ve “put behind me.” Sure, it’s behind me, but with many strings attached.  

As a result of these major lapses in judgment, I find myself trying to ease up room in all the wrong places. Namely, above deck, where the things in my immediate eyeline are. And as I said, what I keep up there is already limited enough, so relieving myself of further essentials is hardly advisable. But like I said, it honestly hardly occurs to me that I’m ridding myself of all the wrong things. Oblivious to the fact that anything really weighing me down has already been tucked away in the stowage, I end up casting away whatever is in my immediate reach. These essential, nonexpendable, necessary things end up losing the priority they deserve. 

Why that is or why I feel the urge to keep things better left behind just a few paces away, I may never know or understand. All I know is that I would have a lot more processing power, a lot more room on deck, if I could once and for all cut the strings what I said has already been “put behind me.” If you find the time during break, I think you too should work on clearing out your tabs.