I am so tired, and I think the break actually only increased my exhaustion. Now I have to really brace myself for the rest of my junior year, as there’s only one more break to buffer things.

I think this year, or last year should I say, has put an enormous and somewhat invisible strain on all our backs. It hasn’t been the most pressing weight and we haven’t noticed it all the time, but it’s been pressing against us. One thing after another in the year 2020 has slowly led to this end result: exhaustion.

I would like to embrace 2021 and make up for the lost opportunity that was 2020, but at this point I just need a break. For me, winter break didn’t really serve its purpose, so I feel like for the next week at least I just really need to take things easy and make up for lost time.

I think the year 2020 was in the most succinct phrase possible, mostly lost time. Sure, there were some good times and plenty of introspection, but all the promises we made ourselves in the months when we had nowhere to go were supposed to come into fruition this year, when we thought life would resume. We had no room for action then and we still mostly don’t, but I really hope this year will be different.

On the bright side, regardless of what happens on the world stage, I think I’ve finally met a consistent interest and embraced a lifelong endeavor. This exhausts me too in a way, like for instance the inexplicable restless night I just spent where in an excited frenzy I just couldn’t rest, but at the same time it also fulfills me and gives me a sense of purpose. I’ve always liked movies and cinematography and screenwriting and I’ve finally realized that’s for good reason. More on that another time, but point is I have found something I’d really like to pursue that can’t be halted by the slow pace of the rest of the world.

Everything is moving very slowly right now and I’ve realized how my mind doesn’t handle idleness very well. I think that’s probably the underlying cause of sleepless nights and inexplicable anxieties, so it feels really good to have a place and purpose to channel my energy into. I know these saving graces don’t just appear when you need them always, but I guess necessity is the mother of innovation. With that mindset, whatever you’re “meant to do” should bubble up to the surface now, when you need an outlet most. Hopefully, this gives you some much needed ease.