Why do we always want the things we can’t have?

Yes, we’ve always heard things like “oh girls only want guys they can’t have” or visa versa. But why is this? I’ve asked myself this question many times and there’s no exact and direct answer because everyone’s brain works differently.

However, in my psychology class, we took a look at this topic. 

An example that’s used quite often is a child wanting something that they’re parents declined them from having. A piece of candy per se. The child didn’t really want the candy, they probably wanted it just because it was in their sight, however, after getting told “no,” it made that child inclined to wanting it more. 

This mindset often helps us to reach our goals. For example, if there’s a career path that we’re chasing, and someone says “it’s too hard, you can’t do that.” It’s going to make us want it that much more just so we can prove them wrong. But it can also cause us to constantly chase something that simply isn’t meant for us. To bring the example I used before, when it comes to wanting someone, we will often chase that person even though we know they aren’t the right person for us.

The problem with this particular mindset is that all we can do is just be aware of it. We can’t stop it from happening. We can’t put a pause in our mind and stop chasing the things we can’t have because we don’t have control over that. But it will put an ease in our mind knowing why we do certain things.