Life is really hard to live.

As vague and universal as that sounds, it’s something that I’ve found to be true, moreso now than ever. My life has genuinely never been this packed to the brim, nor has it ever been this hectic.

It seems like I’m always preparing and worrying about something. Even in the last week when I had a respiratory virus, I was still working on projects and poring over my textbooks. I never really stopped to breathe.

And lately, I hadn’t realized just how important breathing is. 

It hit me as I was practicing tossing a rifle during my color guard sectional when our tech, Mr. Ethan said my main problem was that I wasn’t breathing.

And my first thought was to dispute that—of course I’m breathing—how could I be living if I wasn’t breathing?

I wasn’t allowing myself the opportunity to calm down, to recover from each attempt, simply noting what went wrong and endlessly trying again. And of course, repetition is important in these actions, but wearing myself down wasn’t helping.

That’s applicable to everything I do, really. I just keep going through the motions, often tiring myself out while still moving on to the next thing without resting.

I can’t remember the last time I sat down to just relax. With all that I do now, it feels like I’m being lazy.

I was raised with the ‘rest when you’re dead’ mentality. As long as you’re standing, you can be doing something.

But what if I want a moment to myself to just breathe? How do you train yourself to breathe again?

It seems easier said than done, and I have a lot of learning to do.

In for four, out for four. Head clear, limbs at rest. Take a break for once. Maybe it’ll do more good than you realize.