As the first semester is coming to a close I’ve noticed myself becoming increasingly complacent. My heart tells me to push on forward, because at the end of the day I do care about school and seeing things through until the end. But at the same time, the rest of me is telling me to give up. My head hurts all of the time and my slides feel like rocks. 

I would be content with going to my safety school and just giving up now. But at the same time, I’ve worked too hard and too long for me to just give it all up and settle, especially since I’ve been sacrificing since freshman year. 

It’s truly one of the hardest fights I’ve had with myself and just dealing with is is another battle. There are some things I have been doing to ease some of my burdens though. I try not to be so hard on myself when I don’t get the grade I want. I tell myself “you did your best, and that’s all that matters”. It is hard not to tell myself “well, your best isn’t enough!” When those intrusive thoughts come through, I distract myself and try to focus on something else I can change at this point. 

I can’t be decisive about when exactly I’m allowed to relax until my Early Decision results come out mid-December. 

So until then, it’s Christine against the clock.