With the college acceptances rolling in around now, I see a lot of seniors with the same question as me.

What do we do next?

For four years of our lives, pivotal years too might I add, we’ve spent our time creating pathways to better ourselves for the future. Participating in clubs, extracurriculars, leadership positions all while juggling the academic aspect of life as well. In addition, we’ve been navigating what it truly means to be a teenager. Stress, friendships, family. With the constant hustle and bustle that comes along with being a high schooler, I’ve managed to keep myself busy.

It’s weird when you don’t have daunting deadlines ahead of you anymore. There is no slow trajectory either. The feeling of having nothing to do is so sudden. Granted, I do have days where I spend quite some time studying for an upcoming test here and there, but it’s definitely different.

I don’t know if it’s restlessness from being so free all of a sudden or if it’s the idea of the future. Now, I’m stuck in this weird limbo. I’m no more eager to graduate than I am to go to school every day. It’s very bittersweet. Although I am looking forward to start a new chapter of my life, it feels really hard to close the one I’m in right now. Everything just feels jumbled. And honestly, that’s the only way I can somewhat explain what I’m thinking. It’s just confusing. Sorry, that’s the best I can do. But if you’re a fellow senior, or anybody treading into something that’s uncertain and new, I can assume that you understand what I’m feeling.

I have no doubt that I won’t find something in due time to keep me busy. For instance, now comes the dreaded part of actually committing to a college. Here’s the thing, I’m so grateful for the opportunities I’ve been given and the choices that I have in front of me but every major decision I’ve had to make these past few months all feel so final. That finality is something that I think I have to get used to. And I will… in due time.