The fact that I have less than a month left of my entire high school career has finally dawned on me.

If you were to talk to me as little as three months ago, I would’ve been elated to tell you how ready I was to be able to move on to a new part of my life. But now with 15 school days left, ask me this question and you’ll get this long spiel of how conflicted and nostalgic I am. I look around my classrooms and realize that I’m not going to see over half of the faces that I’ve been seeing for the past four years of my life ever again.

Recently, I’ve been finding myself in the midst of taking pictures of everything in order to preserve some of the memories that I’ll make these last few weeks. I’ll linger around a certain place for a little longer or walk a little slower just to take it all in. It sounds pretty dramatic.

And it kind of is. But… at least I’m self-aware.

Here’s the thing: with the end of high school, there are so many other things that end as well. Mainly, it feels like your childhood is ending. There’s no slow trajectory in coming to terms with the finality of 13 years of K-12 schooling. Everything stays the exact same until it suddenly doesn’t. In a few weeks, us seniors will be done with this practice run we’ve been given and we’ll be consequently thrown out into the real world.

That’s scary.

For many of us though, these past four years didn’t feel like a practice run. Among all of the tests, quizzes, and homework assignments we’ve been given (I genuinely would not be able to put this amount into material numbers), we were involved in extracurriculars and other activities in pursuit of a passion. All the while dealing with our emotions and “raging” hormones, might I add.

It was a lot.

And in addition to all the other entities that I listed above as having been on our plates for these past few years, there’s one other monumental thing.

We’ve also been trying to navigate our identities.

Who are we? Who do we want to be?

I mean, high school is a pivotal setting for anybody. For one, I felt ok making mistakes in high school because if there’s anything I’ve picked up from early 2000s TV shows, it’s that you’re supposed to be making mistakes in high school.

Having to say goodbye to that does not come easy. But the truth is, your entire life is an opportunity to figure out all of these questions you may have. Honestly, I can guarantee the crux of all of our life defining moments will have not taken place over these past four years. We have so much more experiencing and learning to do no matter what path we each decide to take after leaving these halls. I find a sense of comfort in knowing that.

Sure, I’ll leave high school without a complete definition of what it means to be simply Shreya.

Who am I? Who do I want to be?

I don’t know yet.

But I know I’ll find out soon.