Lately, I’ve been feeling the weight of isolation and keeping to myself more than I should.

I always feel out of touch with those I don’t see every day, and it’s starting to feel like I’m in a different world, in a way.

It’s my fault, but that doesn’t change too much, honestly. It’s hard to be any more involved than I already am. 

I don’t think keeping to yourself is a bad thing, but it almost feels like I can never see anything beyond what’s in front of me. If you’re not someone I can count on seeing more than once a week, I tend to forget about you quite easily. 

My brain feels a little warped—I’ve never been good at keeping track of things that aren’t directly in front of me, because my brain just becomes so deeply clogged—but it’s almost worsened in the last few months.

It often takes someone’s reminders to pull me back to being able to see beyond the next few hours. I’m rendered forgetful, or unintentionally inconsiderate. 

It’s never my intention, but when I can barely remember all the things I have to do in a day, how can I remember to reach out to someone I haven’t spoken to in a few days, or not overextend myself? 

I’m burnt out enough as is, and I have to figure out how to find that balance. It’s something I’ve always lacked: between my short term memory and constantly hurtling through life, I’ve teetered on a tightrope for seventeen years.

And while I’m the first to say New Year’s resolutions are a wash, I’m excited for 2024, where I’ll finally get a breather.

Who knows, maybe January will be the first month I don’t accidentally leave someone on ‘read’ for weeks on end in five years.