It never fails to amaze me how little tact a lot of people have.

This isn’t to say that I’m always in tune with what’s going on around me, but I feel like I know when to hold my tongue.

I think that part of that is because I’m Ghanaian—for the sake of preservation, you learn to hold your tongue, or you get a verbal lashing in a language you only vaguely understand.

(You may not know what they’re saying, but they’re saying it like they’re envisioning your head on a chopping block, and that’s enough for you to learn when to stop talking.)

So when I see people that have clearly never been on the receiving end of a passive-aggressive one-sided argument (or have, and just don’t care), I’m amazed. I spent years tiptoeing across hot coals in conversation to figure out how to say things and say them in the best way possible.

But people will speak loud and without a second or third thought. They say what comes to mind immediately, without any sense of self preservation or professionalism.

I think that your positionality and intersectionality heavily affects whether or not you know when to shut your mouth. The older I get, the more I realize that the environment I grew up in is why I find it so hard to be loud and tactless.

It doesn’t come from a place of judgment (usually…), but more in the way that a scientist observes a specimen under a microscope.

How do you say certain things and not feel a chill down your spine? I can honestly feel the ghost of my mother’s scoldings whispering against me at any given moment.

It takes a lot of unlearning to stop acting as though I can’t speak my mind or be myself around everyone. It’s more a commentary on me than other people. 

I can only hope that I can foster an environment for others where they can be as tactless and loud about it as they want.