To a degree, everyone is performative at times. It’s natural to want people to like you. In fact, it’s basically the default thing for the entire human species to want. 

Everyone wants people to notice them and think “Oh, that person is cool.” However it gets to a point where you’re not even your own person anymore. 

Specifically boys can get to a level of performativeness in which everything they do is to appeal to the female gaze. The stereotype is that performative men drink matcha, listen to Clairo, use tote bags to carry around their things, and read in public. 

There’s nothing wrong with any of these things in itself, the bothersome part is the fact that they’re only utilizing these things to gain the attention of women. The goal for some men is to make girls think they appreciate “female culture” which basically consists of things that are considered less masculine. 

Obviously there are some boys who actually like these things. In fact, the reason this is the stereotype is because the men who are naturally doing these things are more romantically successful with women because they seem to be “different” from other guys. 

The difference is that the men who are actually doing those things because they like them aren’t trying to be someone they’re not. They’re not trying to put on this facade that they “understand” the female experience. They simply just like Clairo. 

It also makes every man doing these things look fake. With the rise of performative men, you’d assume every man you see drinking matcha is looking for female validation. It makes people afraid to enjoy these things out of fear of being made fun of. 

It’s impossible to have fun with things you enjoy when everything becomes a microtrend. You’re allowed to drink whatever Starbucks drink you want, you’re allowed to read wherever you want, you’re allowed to listen to whatever music you want, and you’re allowed to carry these things in whatever bag you want. 

Next week, we’ll take a look at the female version of this: pick me girls.