“What colleges are you applying to?” A big smile spreads across their face like they already know the answer they’re looking for.
“Oh, well, I’m done applying. I applied to six colleges.”
“Really? Wow, you’re already done? That’s amazing. What are they?”
“I applied to UNT, UTD, Texas Tech, UT San Antonio, UT Arlington, and UT Austin.”
By the time I get to the last college on my list, and they realize I’m staying in state (and in Texas, no less), their smile is long gone. Maybe they think I’m not aiming high enough, or maybe they just expected me to want to attend a fancy out-of-state college.
And you know, maybe I could’ve aimed higher, but what many don’t realize is that aiming higher usually means spending more, and having the ability to leave the state to study is an immense privilege.
Now, I’m not saying I can’t do it, I’m saying I want to spend the money where it actually matters for my career. For me, that’s law school, not undergrad.
Law school would add three years to my studies (with a total tuition of seven years), and since I hope to take the bar exam and practice law in New York City, it makes more sense for me to study actual New York law in that state.
You’d think that by “aiming higher” and attending an out-of-state college, people would finally be satisfied, right? Absolutely not. The second I tell people my big New York City dreams, now it’s:
“But isn’t that too expensive?”
“Why would you leave?”
“Aren’t you going to miss your friends and family here?”
Suddenly, I’m selfish for wanting to leave, even though earlier I wasn’t “ambitious enough” for staying.
So, which is it? Am I frugal for staying, or am I selfish for going?
Reflecting on all the conversations I’ve had with people about my life plans made me realize that people will get upset no matter what you say you’re going to do. Still, it also made me realize that people aren’t reacting to your plans specifically, but rather, to the fact that you’re changing.
Unfortunately, people subconsciously want you to stay exactly where they’ve put you in their mind. If you’re a smart, ambitious student, they place you as the kind of person who’s “ambitious enough” to leave. However, if you choose to stay, they suddenly expect you to remain in the same place forever.
Over the past few months, I’ve learned that the college application process isn’t just about figuring out the future. It’s a process of figuring out my future without letting everyone else’s opinions and expectations get in the way.
Before I Lea-ve,
Just know, you’ll never win against other people’s expectations, so do what works for you.
