Words so sweet but turn sour soon.
Or maybe they were never sweet to begin with.
They’re just words, but the way your words don’t reach your eyes or smile makes me wonder.
Back-handed compliments and advice are the weirdest and most awkward to deal with because ideally I’m supposed to be saying thank you. They’re usually served at a party or gathering with a smile or a joke that’s not at your expense. It leaves you pretty powerless, after all, we’ve all gathered to have fun. Backhanded compliments allow people to say one thing and mean something else. Some start with a bare minimum warning and some launch straight into it.
The cherry on the cake is the thought simmering behind all of this – comparison, the well known thief of joy. I don’t really care what goes on in your head but don’t drag me into it. Not everything has to be a competition, and I don’t think I’d like to allow my life to turn into one. Life doesn’t come with paid judges. If you think you’ve won at this competition, don’t make it obvious that someone else has lost, we’d still cheer for you anyway.
Like I said, I’m just here for fun and food.
Social comparison is often a form of quiet dominance over the other person. Turning someone else into a baseline shouldn’t help you feel better about yourself. Having pride and being proud of your work is fine (and you should be!) but using it to put someone else down is not. We’re all climbing up the mountain too.
There shouldn’t be something to gain out of comparing someone else’s life or passing judgment on something they didn’t want. Comfort or pride built upon comparison rarely lasts because people keep growing. Acceptance or silence is better than judgment dressed up as compliments and advice.
So choose your well wishers wisely. Hold on to those who really see your own interests and genuinely want to see you grow. Keep these gems forever because true kindness doesn’t need extra fluffing or defense. You wouldn’t want a cheer squad who secretly supports the other team.
Just say what you really mean.
And if you think it’s going to hurt then it probably will when the sweetness fades.
